Magic University back-to-school week… Day One!

So the big one is coming, the finale of my Magic University series. Yes, Kyle has reached his senior year, but before he graduates there’s a lot to do… like figure out a thesis topic, find true love, and… maybe save everyone from the magical cataclysm prophesied in 3rd century…?
Each day this week I’ll give away the winner’s choice of a signed copy of book 1, or an ebook collection of books 1-3, to get folks psyched up for the release of the final volume.
Each day I’ll also reveal something about the magical universe, or post some other fun thing to get you ready to go Back to School at the Magic University.
Today’s post, have you noticed how Veritas sneaks into the news? Check out this article from the Boston Globe: https://www.boston.com/yourtown/cambridge/gallery/harvard_wins_awards?pg=8
Let me see. According to a poll by Her Campus, a “collegiette’s guide to life” website, Harvard is voted #3 in the “most sexually friendly” school poll, while Quality Health rated the city of Cambridge to be one of the USA’s “10 most sexually active cities.” Clearly this is the influence of the Esoteric Arts department…?
Quality Health says: “This academic hub, which houses both Harvard and M.I.T., is also the city with the most relationship savvy: 58 percent of its romantic Amazon.com purchases are books about relationships. Cambridge’s lower-than-average birth rates kept it from earning a top spot on our list, but it’s interesting to note that in 1991 Massachusetts became the first location to institute a statewide condom availability program in its high schools.”
And now, today’s contest!
Comment here or email your answer to ctan.writer AT gmail DOT com with the subject line: MU Contest Day 1 (You must be 18 to enter.)
I’ll pick a winner at midnight Eastern from all the correct answers (or whoever comes closest) to the following. Match the quote to the character who says it! These are all from the upcoming book!
EIGHT QUOTES:
“I’m, um, I’m more of a top, myself.”
“I’m going to castrate you myself with a rusted garden stake.”
“Please make sure you have Master Brandish’s mobile on speed dial.”
“So, speaking as your metaphorical bodyguard, your highness, I must say, me likes not this turn of events.”
“I am so not doing the thing of being that girl who only talks about her ‘man’ as a way to pump up her self-worth.”
“I’m willing to do a lot of things for the house. But you aren’t one of them.”
“She’s allergic to boy cooties, you know.”
“On the slim chance that the world does not end, you also have the matter to deal with that you have unfinished coursework from previous semesters, you know.”
EIGHT CHARACTERS:
Alex
Dean Bell
Frost
Kyle
Jeanie
Marigold
Master Brandish
Persephon Cavendish
Each one is used only once! Have fun guessing!

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